okay.. slightly old news to those of you who still talk to me on a regular basis.. but some jack-whole stole my bike. and that jack-whole stole my bike on the same day that i worked at casa ole, open to close, for free. you see, a few of the waitresses and myself decided it would be nice to donate all of the tips we made for one day to the hurricane relief, but out of everyone that volunteered to do it, only three of us showed up. so if you can imagine, an entire restaurant with only three servers on a day that was put on the radio and television to eat at Casa Ole for a good cause, it was a rough and horrible day. you think that people would understand and be a little nicer to their servers, but they weren't. so after being all but spit on after working all day for free i return home to see my nearly 30 year old bike with a flat locked to a stair railing missing. so much for the $20 lock that was supposed to be super mega strong and safe, and so much for good karma. i bet those people i donated money to are the ones who took it. damn new orleans and them bringing their crime rate to lake charles. this excludes the good people from new orleans of course, for you i am so sorry that you are among the people included into this ghetto stereo-type that is proven to be pretty accurate. i mean... its not like they could have road the bike away. it was FLAT and OLD and RUSTED. and i LOVED it. i don't even know how to define myself anymore. "hi.. i'm tressa and i am justin's girlfriend." no. that didn't last. "hi.. i'm tressa and i play soccer." no. i don't do that anymore either. "hi.. i'm tressa and i ride a bycicle." no. goodbye schwinn. i guess it will have to be "hi.. i'm tressa and i'm a work-a-holic... sorry i smell like beans." lets all hope i don't get fired.   

how does that go... out with the old and in with the new? well i guess my schwinn has been replaced by two new room-mates. both sort of by accident. brian and kandice. one is my friend's brother who got kicked out of his house, who is now staying with me, and the other is a girl i work with. well, actually, we all work together. they don't go to school, but it all works out so far. its no hard feelings if it doesn't work because its not like i have this huge friendship invested into these two. we are all just helping each other out. less rent for me, and less commuting to work for them. no more walking/riding bike (not like i can ride a bike anymore anyway...) for me, and no more listening to moms and dads for them. everyone wins. don't get me wrong though, we are all friends.

well i just got done working out and i have people coming over to study for an art history exam.. so i'll catch ya'll later. if you see me walking try not to hit me. and don't bother to honk unless you are stopping to give me a ride.   

okay.. i had to delete my previous blog. some chick i don't even know started telling me i'm insensitive to new orleans and yada yada yada. for one... i wrote that before new orleans was bad and the hurricane direction might as well have been just a theory. no one had suffered yet. for two... not like what i wrote was even bad, but it was just my sense of humor. she doesn't even know me so she needs to back off. for three... what i say doesn't really matter does it, because "actions speak louder than words" and i am one of only six people i work with willing to take an entire full day's tips and donate them to the new orleans refugees. i am fully putting aside all of my financial needs to put in what i can for those who have lost nearly everything. there are about 20-30 other people that i work with saying no to that. not knocking them, because that is their choice and they know their situation. but just saying... so there you have it little girl giving me all the crap. maybe you should take some time off from reading anonymous people's blog entries and harassing them about it and donate some of that time to actually helping someone. otherwise, shut the fuck up.

on a nicer note... i'm running unopposed for the student senate alternate for the student art association for mcneese state university. vote for me.. lol. i would just be the alternate, so it won't take up too much of my time where it hurts me with work and school, and i can be involved. hopefully no one between now and the 14th decides to spontaneously run against me... and if they do i hope i beat the crap out of them. lol. just kidding. but i'm really excited.

well to work i go.  

what am i going to do with myself? i feel empty. empty, that is, with the exception of the tears i haven't cried. i have been feeling depressed for days.

i have no best friend, no boyfriend, no lover, no pet, no sports, and until monday i have no classes. all i have is work... and i just called in with a "fever" so right this second i don't have that either.

i'm watching nicholas cage movies and stuffing my face with marshmellows. oh great, i'm eating my feelings. just what i need, more fat to take residents on my body.

uhhhh! i cannot stop crying. i made a soundtrack to my depression, so i guess that is nice. twenty-some-odd songs to cry to.

last night i had a talk with megan about how i push friends away. i never meant to. i never even knew i was. i suppose i have been this way my whole life. how am i supposed to change? how am i supposed to not be myself?

i thought i had problems because i am not in love, but now i don't have friendship either.

i'm sad that ashton left. i know we had our drama, but i really did like her. i'm sad that the only way i see dani now is if we accidentaly are grocery shopping at the same time. i'm sad that i'm too scared to call megan or erin, and even if i did i would have nothing to say. nothing in common anymore it seems. i'm sad that i barely know judy. i'm sad about everyone before them, too. i wonder sometimes if ian hadn't died if ashley and i would still be friends, but i know that eventually the two of them would have drifted from me too. i miss ian.

i miss trip, but everyone knows that what i miss is just a memory that would never have evolved into anything other than that. i miss michael. no matter what, michael never judged me. i miss justin. he meant well. i miss every single one of those friendswood boys i used to hang out with. they were always so good to me. i even miss scott... we got in stupid arguments alot but we had some good times. i miss all of the boys in high school that acted like they were so funny, until i got on the phone with them and they spilled out their problems for me to help.

do i bother to try to make new friends and possibly endure this pain again?

Currently Listening Warren Barfield By Warren Barfield 10 hours see related

when i got back from chicago, and walked through my apartment door, dragging my bags behind me with the assistance of katie, i noticed an unfamiliar vacancy in the entrance way. i looked around and everything else seemed normal. then i noticed how lonely the table looked on its side of the room.

ashton moved out.

no warning. just gone. all that was left in her room were some empty shoe boxes and the imprints of removed furniture on the carpet.

i guess i saw it coming.

hopefully, i'm moving soon. waiting for this apartment has been taking longer than i anticipated.

well, on ashton's floor, amongst the scraps of paper, i saw a fortune cookie message slightly crumpled up. it said, "the one waiting for you when you get home will be your friend for life." if there is no one here for me, what does that mean? even worse, the one who was supposed to be here for me picked up and left and didn't even want to tell me because they care that little.

i just thought it was wierd to find THAT  fortune after THAT  incident.

-tressa

Currently Watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit (Vista Series) By Bob Hoskins see related

chicago countdown: 1 day!!!

finally. my summer beholds something promising. i thought for sure it would be three months of just rice and beans and the only stories to tell would involve unorderly customers or generous tips, which aren't very fun to listen to. but two girls from work i hang out with every once in a while invited me to go to chicago with them for a little over a week to see one of the girl's boyfriend graduate from navy bootcamp. they really just invited me because they needed another person to make gas and hotel rooms cheaper, i think. i mean, they have all been best friends sinds childhood... why else would they invite some girl they work with? who cares, though!? its the windy cindy! you think i'll see oprah? i can't wait to take part in the bustle and havoc of the big city. maybe i'll get some of you a t-shirt that says "my friend went to chicago and all she got me was this lousy t-shirt." all i had to do so i could go on this trip was work five days in a row open to close, and nights the rest of the time. it came out to be 56 hours of work last week. i feel bad for whoever has to pick up those hours while i'm gone. well tomorrow i'm packing into a car with toni and katie (the girls), one of their guy friends whose name i dont even know, and a cooler of soda and sandwhiches.

meanwhile... i wish i had some soda and sandwhiches right here with me now. i haven't been spending money so i would have enough for chicago. i've been eating free employee meals at casa ole every single day. i'm all enchilada-ed out.

currently.. in groundbreaking news... ashton paid some rent money!!! dreams do come true.